Cousin.

Why do the feelings feel so intense

Even though I won’t remember any of them

Why are the connections so kismet

If they’re not meant to last forever

Why do I find it cringy and admirable all at once

Why am I disgusted by what once made me feel alive?

We were all embarrassed together at the edge of the line.

Flashbacks and new eyes all at once

What can we see

How do I see them as men

When they are characters of my adolescent insanity fantasy..

How are some of you dead now

When you were once characters in my portfolio

Only ten years go?

Existential love affair with what once was

I’m not worried but where do we all go?

That’s a line that could go.

I’m sorry cousin, I don’t have an answer for you

Why I couldn’t share in the experience that shaped me too..

It’s too intense to conceptualize..

How alone you feel..

I expect more of me too.

I’d expect more of those I admired…

My feelings are just too intense.

I don’t know, but bottom line

I believe it’s worth it for the in between

For the good times

It’s worth it no matter how far and few between.

Hearing them sing the songs that meant so much to me

Feels like a parody of the times when we spoke..

Many of my original stories

Included these boys

What does it mean now

As an in between?

It’s all just eras of being human

No big recital or explanation

Cocaine daydreams

We’ll all be there eventually..

And we’ll all retire and come back

If we get cards played in our favor

If not it’ll be okay for you

But not everybody in between..

Maybe not even..

We don’t know.

Do they remind me of the douchebags

Who keep being conceited in the modern scene?

A little yeah.. Haha. Intriguing.

I’m done with this journey now.

(Watching MCR at 27 years old with all that has become)

-M_LM (©2025 Melody LeeMarie)